have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
