so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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