You're so nebulous sometimes
i just wanna soil my oats bro
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I had to cum in my sink.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
