Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
