Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
