We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Oh god it's open bar.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
