i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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