I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
