Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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