all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
