i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
