I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
