just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
