i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
