I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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