One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
