Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
