I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
