Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
