Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
