At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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