You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
