The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
