so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
