Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
