idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
