my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
