I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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