dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
