just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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