Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
