mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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