My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
