Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
