I think scott just propositioned me for sex
how can u be prego again
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
