I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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