that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
