Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
