are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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