I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i think my cat just said my name.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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