I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
