not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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