And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
