Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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