How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
