i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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