Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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