Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
