you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
