So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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